Tuesday, April 15, 2014

jenga and spiritual blocks

Hello World,
Do you remember me? 17 year old girl who has been writing on this little blog called “it’s my life” ever since 2010?  Does it ring any bells?  Perhaps, perhaps not. I’m Allie.  Nice to meet you.  If you do remember me, I applaud your loyalty to my blog which has been on hiatus for the last several months.  Really, I am glad you are still here.
As some of you know, my blog has mostly been about my life (no duh) and my journey with God.  I am a Christian, for those who didn’t know already.  
“Ooh,” You say as you read this post, “Another Christian blog. Close tab, close tab, CLOSE TAB!”
Before you do close this tab, I need to get some things off my chest.  I have grown as a young woman to realize that I am certainly not your average Christian girl.  For a long time, I’ve even wondered if I really am a Christian.  This may shock those of you who have followed me for the last four years.  To be honest, this is one of the reasons why I stopped coming to it’s my life.  I haven’t told a lot of people this and I just hope it doesn’t throw anyone off with their own Spiritual paths with God.  Here we go.
I truly believe my strongest relationship with God was when I was in middle school while I started writing on this blog.  I would write every other day, explaining my thoughts and dreams with God at the center of them.  I was homeschooled and had the time to write several times a week.  It was great.  I even joined a youth group and made a couple of fellow Christian friends. I prayed, I read my Bible, and was involved for a good couple of years in my family’s church.
This sounds extremely cheesy and I am in no way trying to bash the authors who wrote this series, but as soon as I started reading the Left Behind –The Kids– series, my relationship with God grew very distant.  Don’t get me wrong, those books were incredible to read and very addicting.  I couldn’t put the series down for several months.  However, the books were so well written that I started thinking, “Wait a minute,” I realized that there were a lot of downsides for those who weren’t Christians.  Which you would think would make me want to be a Christian all the more, but instead, I started taking steps backward. All my non-Christian friends would possibly be in this situation (assuming that Jesus would come sooner than later on in the future), it would then be up to them to decide whether they wanted Jesus or not, and their lives would then be spent in Heaven or Hell. 
My Spiritual life felt like a Jenga board game; all those blocks I had built up with God were being pulled away, one by one.  It was only a matter of time before the entire building of blocks would collapse.  I wondered about some of the things that would happen to those who didn’t believe in Jesus.  My stomach felt sick every time I thought of it.  Then I wondered about the people who believe in different gods.  Those people actually believe in their god!  How heart breaking to realize that they were following a false god.  What if they found out too late?  They probably say the same thing about Christians, I thought.  I got scared.  Am I following the wrong god?  What if I find out too late?  The building of blocks had fallen. 
I stopped going to youth group because I wasn’t getting anything from our youth pastor anymore, even though he was a really great guy.  I stopped reading my Bible and when I would read it, I would be desperately trying to find a verse that could cure my worries.  When I would cease to find one, I would get more and more discouraged.  I would pray every now and then, but I found that I couldn’t hear God’s voice anymore; not like I used to.  I even stopped reading The Left Behind series.  My Spiritual life was in ruins, waiting to be replenished.
The worst part of all of this was that I could feel every grenade the Devil threw at me.  They would explode with triumph in the name of Satan.  These grenades would destroy my spiritual ruins even if I would get up to clean and sort through my destroyed thoughts and feelings.  Every time I tried to start new with God, Satan would throw one more reason why I should question my faith.  It sucked. 
I’d like to say I’m okay now.  My injuries from this battle are still raw, though.  I go through this daily.  It makes me sad and I wish I had the innocent heart, mind, and soul I once had as a 13 year old.  I’ve grown up with struggles that wear me down.  The voice I could once hear is growing even more distant.  Where are you, I scream to God.  I feel abandoned.  It’s not like it’s all God’s fault.  I got in the habit of just not trying.  I didn’t want to go to church anymore, and I even tried a few youth groups but was discouraged.  School got in the way and I began to forget what I was fighting for. 
As the years went by, I realized it was up to me to get good grades in school and be a great student.  Me and me only.  No one could do anything about it.  I didn’t feel like God could either.  We don’t see Him.  He doesn’t answer back.  If He did, I would invite Him on some of these life decisions I was making/choosing.  I felt like I could get anywhere I wanted to go in my life by myself.  I believed this, and I am just now trying to get out of it.  I can’t do everything on my own.
I don’t know what it was, but about a week ago, I decided I’m going to try and make things work out with me and God.  I started praying about it and I decided I wanted to go to church again.  Even if I had to drive myself, I wanted to go.  I went.  It wasn’t just the talk the pastor had with us that made me want to go back, it was being there, surrounded with other Christians, and feeling like a new Christian.  I honestly felt like a regular person listening about Jesus for the first time.  The dust and rubble that was once on the roads to my previous spiritual building was cleared.  It didn’t stop there cause as soon as church was over, I wanted to learn more about God. When I got home, I read my notes from service over and over again.  One block was put down for my building.  It may not seem like a big accomplishment.  It’s a process.  One step at a time, right?  This time, I feel that these blocks I’m setting down are there to stay.  I can only go up from here. 
I think I’ve always been a Christian.  I just realized that I think differently compared to most Christians.  For example, I’ve grown to believe that Gay rights are completely okay.  Not a lot of Christians believe that (If you are interested in my point of view, I’ll write a post on my thoughts about Gay people/rights).  Yet, I still find myself to be a very Conservative person.  I’m still figuring this out, but I think I’m becoming the Christian I’ve always supposed to have been.  I am me.  The title Christian, Republican, or Gay-rights “supporter” does not define me.  I am the person God designed.  He designed me in such a way that would make me completely unique to all other people and Christians.  I am just me.
Thanks for reading and I hope to hear from you soon!

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

a running start at life

Some of you may or may not know that I have been in the Running Start program for that past 2 and a half months, but needless to say (after the obvious intro to this post), I have... been in Running Start, that is.  Let me start over.

Running Start is a program offered to Juniors and Seniors in high school who want to switch from high school classes to college classes at their local community college (mind you, these high school students attend ALL college classes with ALL college students).  All classes are covered financially by state taxes except for food, parking permits, and books.  The benefit of this is that once a high schooler graduates (from high school), they not only receive their High School Diploma, but also an AA degree at the community college they're attending.  And that's what I've been doing for the past 2 and a half months.

I really enjoy going to community college!  I think it's challenging, but at the same time, I'm not drowning.  Right now, it seems I've adjusted to the college so much, it doesn't feel like I'm...(how can I pust this?)... I guess I feel like it's just regual work?  You know how you get used to a new grade after a few months, it's not that hard anymore?  That's how I feel about this.  Sure, there are days where I feel swamped, but it just seems part of the norm, now.  And I still can't believe I'll have two years of college once I'm out of here!

But as they say, starting something new and challenging, brings new responsabilities... okay, no one has really ever said that (but I'm saying it now).  Another thing that is starting to become the norm in my mind (well, I've actually been thinking about this since I was 12) is looking at colleges after Running Start.  Right now, I've been looking at colleges more on the financial side and where I see myself less than 2 years from now. 

For those interested in what my "degree plan/strategy" is, feel free to continue (skip if you're not).  My plan is to attend a somewhat private art school close to my house, getting my Bachelor of Fine Arts in Digital Art & Animation (BFA).  I would then like to make my way down to the beautiful sun-shine state, California.  From that point on, things get a little fuzzy; a work in progress, you might say.  I would like to start working at getting my Creative Writing & English degree by transferring my 2 years of Running Start credits to a Cali school.  Also during that time, which I might have a hard time with (this is where it gets fuzzy), I would then like to begin working at Disneyland parks (I don't even care if I have to clean up puke, I'm working there) and interning at Disney Animation Studios or Pixar Animation Studios.  Yeah, it's a lot!  My main concern is the money, but if it's on my heart, I think God will provide some options for me.  And on top of everything, I would like to go study abroad in England, but after all of what I've listed here, I think that needs to be excluded at the moment...

Now that I've talked about what I want to do, what do YOU guys want to do?  I'm very curious!  What schools would you like to go to?  Where do you see yourself living in 5 years?  I'm all ears (or eyes and fingers... I'll read your comments and then write back to you).

Goodnight, my Lovelies!

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

hey world.

Hey world.  What's up? 

So my channel is still a work in progress.  I'm working with the equipment that I have until I decide I really need to invest in some new things.  I'm getting excited!

That's not really the reason I wanted to blog right now.  Right now, I want to talk about life.

Life's scary.  It's hit me in the last couple of weeks that life isn't something you have control of

(I've rewritten so many possible sentences I could fit after that last sentence, but I just couldn't find the right words.)

I guess what it all comes down to is that God is in control of our life.  He knows the past, the right now, and the future of all of our lives.  I try so hard all the time to plan my future, and what I've been planning for years, is finally getting close - close to my real future.  It's so close, I'm afraid of what path I want to go down.  What if I screw up?  I'm only given one life.  A life that is so fragile and can break when it's swallowed up by the world.

I almost wish I was Kim Possible on my old Nintendo DS game where you were given three lives until it was game over.


"Why do you worry when I support you all this time?" His voice calls out to me.
"Because I'm worried I'll fall." I whisper back.
"Did you ever think that a fall could help you jump even higher?" He says back.
"What if I hit rock bottom when I fall?"
"Trust in me; I will catch you, child.  You will be alright when you trust me."


If you didn't get the hint, that's the sort of conversation I have with God (No, he doesn't really respond, but I feel that that's what he's saying to me.  Is that weird?).

Think video game, for a second.  I realized that God is my "extra life."  Because I excepted Jesus in my heart, I have an everlasting/bonus life.  No matter what happens, God will redeem me with a new life every time I fall.  And when the game is over, it doesn't matter anymore, because I will still have that everlasting life with God and other Christians!

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."
~ Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV

I have no clue if what I said in this post made sense or if this meant anything to you at all or if you're still thinking "Why does this weirdo think she can actually talk to God?"  This was just something I needed to get out there.

I love you all and wish the best life for you!


Friday, June 21, 2013

a whole new world

Something I've been thinking about a lot now, is making YouTube videos.  Mostly makeup/style/hair videos.  I've been thinking about for almost 3 years now (wow!).  And the other day I decided I would do just that!  Lady's and Gent's, meet CountYourStars247!  It's not much, but I'm going to make it a lot better :) 

First thing's first, I need to buy that camcorder I've had my eye on for a while.  I can afford it, I just need to push myself to get it now. ;]

So please check it out!  There are only a few edited videos that I've post.  The one above is my "explanation" video (I guess). And the other two are options for intros. 

Love you all!

Monday, April 15, 2013


I am happy to report, I have passed my reading and writing test to get accepted into community college!  I am absolutely thrilled!  This means I will be attending college classes for my Junior year of high school.  Yikes!  Scary, yet exciting.  I've been waiting for this moment ever since I was 12.  It feels like real life is approaching fast.  Again...yikes!  I just have to "keep moving forward" (Walt Disney)

Love to all,


Thursday, March 28, 2013

new hair color

Long time, no chat!  For those of you who haven't seen it, here is a recent picture of me with my brunette hair :] 

I am absolutely loving the color!
Nothing new to report.  Just thought I'd stop by and say hello ;)  Hello!